Management Guide #2 - Navigating Conflict

Another hot topic worthy of an expanded guide is how to mitigate and navigate conflict that you experience as a professional or that people who work for you are experiencing. This guide will aim to cover this from a more or less holistic point of view aimed at both managers and direct reports but with an added emphasis to management because managers control a lot of how conflict may flow as you will see below.

If you manage people or have managed people before, doubtless you will have noticed that your direct reports have been in conflict with parties internal and external to your organization. They don't always do the best job of navigating that and they don't always know how to best navigate it. There are myriad reasons for this but a good place to start is to examine the root of conflict and how we should handle it with that in mind, rather than dissect where people might make mistakes.

Conflict, as should surprise nobody, is most often rooting in unclear expectations. This is why an excellent first step when you first meet someone you're going to work with should be to explain how you like to work, what expectations you have of your partnership with the other person, and to let that person share the same information with you. If this happens, there is little chance that there will be an issue relating to someone doing something "unexpected" and triggering conflict with the other person. This need not be a formal meeting; my suggestion is to have a quick one on one with the person you will be working with to hash this out at the earliest opportunity.

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the other party may refuse to meet with you or even to listen to you. If you're trying to do all the right things and another person is simply refusing to work with you, candor to your management, a paper trail, and radical transparency are your best friends. The notification of management is to head off any issues and ensure that your manager knows where the blame will lie when the conflict inevitably arises. The paper trail is critical because these are often the type of people who may fabricate their own reality or try to subvert your efforts by making you look delinquent to your manager (because deflection is, sadly, an effective tool of those who refuse to play with others). The paper trail will serve as evidence to shield you if and when this occurs. Radical transparency is more about a frame of mind when approaching partnerships and to discourage backroom chats or subversive behavior. Remember: if you look squeaky clean coming out of a conflict like this it's because you will have followed these steps and then no one will question your ethics or integrity. Your position and status within your company will not be compromised.

The above serves as a manager or a direct report. What if you're a manager?

Managers should aim to have their direct reports always attempt to remedy issues in a peer-to-peer fashion and, failing that, then it is appropriate to escalate and get management involved.

Why? Because leading with a management escalation is only going to anger the person that you are in conflict with and will ultimately make it harder for people to achieve resolution. This is a critical first step even if its success rate is low. Basically, I'm saying that I expect this to fail but I'm advising you to do it anyway. This is part of the evidence path which you, as a manager, can then take to another manager later and present as a body of evidence as to why your direct report is right in this conflict (recall paper trail and candor to management). This step is kind of like the nail in the coffin because, if you do everything as previously mentioned, and then go to your manager after an attempt at peer to peer resolution has failed, then the other person in the conflict and their manager will not have a single leg to stand on and you make it a lot easier for your manager to help you.

Does this sound convoluted? It kind of is and it is by necessity. Loathe as we might be to accept this in our society, socially, the burden of proof lies with the defense contrary to the legal system. In other words, all of this is necessary because no one will believe you or they will not be allowed to act (think: will this hold up in HR? A critical thought in management situations) if these steps are not followed. I have not found a way that is more effective to date.

So that's all great but you might be wondering, as a manager, "What happens when I need to get involved?" Ideally, you will have explained these steps to a direct report so you will have what you need. Your choices are either to confront the partner of your direct report directly - which I don't advise because then you're stepping on another manager's toes - or to go to the partner's manager. So you'll be going to the partner's manager and your best bet is to display this body of evidence in as dispassionate a way as possible but do not forget to be specific in what resolution you're asking for. Here, it's important to realize that you are asking for the "what" and you are not suggesting the "how." Suggesting the "how" to another manager is an insult because they will assume you think they do not know how to manage. Maybe you do think that. It doesn't matter - don't present that way. The onus is to do things right here, not to achieve personal satisfaction through cathartic actions. Ask them for a specific outcome and be understanding about their approach and concerns. Try to work together with this person to defuse the conflict between your direct reports. If necessary, follow-up together later on to verify progress.

A specific outcome, by the way, is not "deal with this immediately" but more like "let's find a way to get these folks working well together as soon as we can." Something of that flavor. Don't get in the habit of making hostile demands, tempting as they may be sometimes.

It goes without saying, but if a coaching moment presents itself for your team member, be open to that as well and it is something you can address after conflict resolution.

And if they aren't working with you? Well, you have a paper trail, you've been transparent, your outreach was in good faith. You have everything you need for your manager to escalate. Eventually, it will stop somewhere because you will ideally reach someone reasonable in the company. I'd hope it never takes a long time though. These things often develop into something bigger when left to fester so escalations have to be a priority for you as a manager.

This is your general guide for how to manage conflict:

• As a direct report or manager:
• Notify management of potential conflict early
• Keep a paper trail
• Be radically transparent and paint yourself in the best light
• As a people manager:
• Make sure your direct report knows the above steps
• Seek peer to peer resolution among the direct reports first
• When escalating, choose the other manager rather than the direct report counterpart
• Dispassionately present the body of evidence assembled
• Remember to ask for a specific resolution but don't suggest how to arrive at that unless asked
• Next steps: Follow-up if necessary, coaching if necessary

For the most part, these tactics work. This should give you a solid base. Not all situations will fit this mold but if this covers at least 90% of situations then it serves its purpose.